Thursday, September 2, 2010

Glenn Beck earns long-delayed high school GED

By Darnell Washington, Newsophile Staff Writer

NEW CANAAN, CT -- After receiving an honorary doctorate degree from Liberty University last May, Fox News personality Glenn Beck has also recently earned a long-delayed high school GED degree from his alma mater in Bellingham, Washington.

Although Beck did attend Sehome High School in the early 1980s, his abuse of what he has called 'Dr. Jack Daniels,' along with an addiction to other drugs and a previously undiagnosed Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, ultimately prompted him to drop out prior to earning a degree. It was after dropping out of high school that Beck relocated to Provo, Utah to work at radio station KAYK, where he first began to voice his personal opinions on economics, politics and pop culture in the hopes of 'educating the moronic masses.'

Armed with his new GED and his honorary doctorate from Liberty -- which bills itself as the world's largest Christian university -- Beck hopes to improve on his 2009 New York Times best-seller, "Arguing With Idiots: How to Stop Small Minds and Big Government."

"You see, not only have I graduated from high school, but I'm also now a doctor," a teary-eyed Beck told his audience on his popular Fox News program. "And that means I can go toe-to-toe with the greatest minds in economics, politics and the environment. Folks like that Thomas Jefferson guy have nothing on me -- and he's dead anyway!"

Fans of Beck seem to largely agree with this assessment of his new academic credentials, suggesting that a pairing with former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin would make them a formidable duo for the 2012 Presidential election. Says Glenn Beck Fan Club President Barney Stover of Belmont, West Virginia, "We (sic) seen how people got all excited about Barack Hussein Obama's fancy law degree from wherever, and now Glenn's just as educated. What do you have to say about that, Mr. President?"

For now, Beck continues to downplay rumors of his bid for the Republican nomination, but hints that future degrees many strengthen his intellectual ammunition. "There are a ton of fine Christian colleges and universities just like Liberty out there," he told a rapt audience after his commencement address. "Just wait'll until I also have doctorates in stuff like math, astrology and the sciences!"