TRENTON, NJ -- Embattled New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who recently learned that his bid for a new career replacing Mike ("Sports Pope") Francesca on radio station WFAN was denied, has decided to publish a fashion calendar to replace his income once his current term ends in January 2018.

She may have a point. With over 35 percent of American men tipping the scales into the 'obese' category, her husband has plenty of company.
"He's actually pretty graceful when he walks, like he owns the place wherever he is," argued the doe-eyed Mary Pat in a recent press release announcing the calendar.
Although Governor Christie wasn't initially a fan of the idea, as he began the process of picking out his favorite photographs, he realized that he had a collection which has been described as "(expletive deleted) nirvana for (chubby) chasers."
Explains Christie, "I don't understand the (expletive deleted) chubby chaser phenomenon, but for the sake of my family, I'm glad they exist. I once had a dozen of them grab my (expletive deleted) -- at the same time!"
"There were just so many options from which to choose," Christie says, "enough for several years of calendars. For example, did everyone really appreciate the dexterity it took to protect my nachos when yelling at a stranger at a baseball game? That's why we chose that one for May."

I just wish sometimes that he'd finish chewing his food before going in for a wet kiss."

"We're not talking about some (expletive deleted) with (expletive deleted)
hanging out for all to see," explains Chris.
Adds May Pat, "No, the adult version would be very elegant. Just like Chris!"
The calendar will be available online and at select WalMart stores in time for the Christmas holiday season. Suggested retail price? $49.95.