Friday, December 8, 2017

GOP plans to rename itself Government of Pedophiles

By Darnell Washington, Newsophile Staff Writer

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Bowing to pressure among its rank and file that pursuing romantic relationships with children and teens under age 18 is not only supported by Biblical stories but should be 'celebrated,' the Republican National Committee has opted to change the meaning of its long-standing GOP acronym to "Government of Pedophiles."

"This is the best news I've heard in years!" crowed embattled Senate candidate Roy Moore, while his spokesperson, Jan Porter, added, "You can't argue with the Bible!  Plus, we barely have to change our letterhead."

Since first being attached to the Republican Party as early as 1870, the phrase "Grand Old Party" has generally been meant to evoke support of liberty and human rights, so the change certainly will encounter some resistance.

While President Trump has not made a formal statement on the name change, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was a bit more blunt:  "Any Republican, no matter his behavior towards others, is still better than a Democrat in that seat.  If people don't like it, they're free to move to another country."

Other groups, such as the North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA), see only good news in the change.  "Our phones are ringing off the hook," said founder Daniel Thorstad.  "Potential members are excited that they can finally attend conservative functions and church services while proudly wearing their NAMBLA buttons.  'Make America Great Again?'  I'd sure say so!"