Sunday, December 20, 2009

Tiger Woods' own mother 16th woman to come forward as mistress

By Darnell Washington, Newsophile Staff Writer

JUPITER ISLAND, FL -- Now that the list of Tiger Woods' mistresses has officially hit 15 (rumored to be singer Jessica Simpson), inside sources are telling Newsophile that number 16 may in fact be a woman closest to the famous golfer's heart: his own mother, Kultida ("Tida") Woods.

"Tida never really liked (current wife) Elin (Nordegren), frequently saying, 'she so white it's blinding!'" the source said on condition of anonymity. "She really wanted Tiger to marry a nice girl who was also 1/4 African American, 1/4 Thai, 1/4 Chinese, 1/8 Native American and 1/8 Dutch, saying 'he not look hard enough.'"

"She even placed ads on Craigslist for him, but everyone thought it was a joke, which just broke her heart."

Ultimately, when Tiger and Elin began to drift apart Tida offered to step in, in the hopes of providing 'Everything you need in sordid affair except for dirty talk. Ok, maybe little dirty talk.'

Once news of the multiple other mistresses broke, Tida clandestinely hired infamous L.A. attorney Gloria Allred, apparently to sell her story to the media and to arrange an appropriate settlement with her son Tiger. "Oh sure, he buy me a car," she wrote in her complaint, "But it's a cheap, stripped-down Buick he got for free. Not even proper rice rocket!"